Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
