peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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