Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
