I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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