The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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