My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
as a side note pls kill me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
