when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
