You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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