My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
