oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Screwed.edu
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize