we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
