I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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