This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
