walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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