Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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