do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
