really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize