I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
