yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just invented taco cereal.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
