so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
