Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
