The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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