I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
