So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize