Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize