I will die if light touches me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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