Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize