i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
