is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
