It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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