In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
