it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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