if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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