she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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