her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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