WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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