I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
