Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
