she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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