So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize