he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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