I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
