you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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