Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
