If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
