she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
