and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize