my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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