hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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