neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
