Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
