how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
