a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you had me at cake vodka
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
