She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize