i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Two words: blizzard sex
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
