Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
