uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
