Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
