So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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