its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
