I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
