accomplished twins. life is a go
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
