If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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