just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
