Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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