when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
