Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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