Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize