I'm really into asian looking animals
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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