Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
