So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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