So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
