I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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