Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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