Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
