I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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