Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
