Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
