You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
