We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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