So drunk its hurt
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
