I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
