i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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