First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
