How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
