I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
