As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
