i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
