my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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