Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
