Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize