is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
time to smoke my breakfast
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
