i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize