I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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