YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
