So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
