Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
