How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
